


Look At Me

by piecesofsolas



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-23 11:10:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13786284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piecesofsolas/pseuds/piecesofsolas
Summary: It’s been two years. Two years since the Inquisition disbanded and two years since he retook the badge of the wolf.  Two years of broken promises and regret spoken across the fade. Both are tired of running; tired of fighting; and tired of yearning for an unspoken dream.





	1. Chapter 1

“ _Look at me_ ”, he whispers softly. His voice is gentle and filled with emotions she can only describe as closely to her own yearning. A desperate plea filled with guilt, fear, and hope. Pressing her against the door, he grasps both of her wrists with his left and holds them against his heart. With his other hand, he gently caresses her cheek; an unspoken gesture for forgiveness and filled with promises too painful to name. Her heart launches and she is struck breathless. Slowly, he leans in until he is a breath away from her lips. Her eyes blur as his scent becomes overwhelming and she is consumed by memories of a long forgotten time. Tears threatened to spill as his heart quickens under her touch.

“ _Look at me_ ”, he pleads softly this time. His voice is gentle and filled with so much love that the walls she has built to protect her heart begin to crumble. The urge to give in is too much. Too intense. Too real. He is too real. With every breath she takes in, flashes of memories - the first time he kisses her; fingers brushing against her; lingering looks across the room; strong arms holding her to sleep - envelopes her senses, teasing her to surrender once more.

She can’t give in. She refuses. Her world is burning and it is his fault. He is responsible for the chaos currently spreading across Thedas. He is Fen’Harel - a betrayer, a trickster, a liar. He lied to her and made false promises. He cannot be trusted. 

“ _Please …… Vhenan_.” He whispers brokenly. 

And with those words, she is rendered helpless and defeated. Slowly, she leans into his touch and lifts her gaze towards the steel blue eyes that have swept her heart and burned her soul. 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

The eyes that stare back tells a story of despair and loneliness where the owner has set aside all pretenses and stands openly with humility. All for one last attempt at finding redemption for his past mistakes. Her heart launches as his eyes shifts between hurt, hopelessness, loss, and finally, longing. A longing she recognizes as a faint hope of a possibility. She watches as his gaze travels across her face with unnerving thoroughness as if committing her to memory. Her heart reaches out to connect with his and it dawns on her that the man standing before her is not a God hell-bent on destroying her world. The man before her is the one she fell in love with. The man who has always been her heart. And for the first time in the past two years, she comes to terms with a cold and undeniable truth: she is still desperately in love with this man.

The act begins before she could even register what happened.

Her hand cracks across his face, snapping it back with a sickening blow. The force of the impact is loud and vibrant, ricocheting across the chamber until it fades into miserable silence. Both are shocked at the act - struck speechless at the violence and the emotional rage that triggered the event. The pain that flickered across his face right before he retreats and lets her go fills her with icy dread. His pain is great and she relinquishes the urge to reach out and surrender. The minutes pass and the air charges with an unpredictable energy, making it difficult to breathe as both wait for the other to react.

Before long, the only sounds that could be heard were the heavy breathing between a man struggling to regain control and a women emotionally torn between duty and love.

Slowly, the waves of regret crash upon her and she is swept away by guilt and shame. Guilt at the fact that she had struck him; shame in that she had lost control. Never in a million years would she ever think that she was capable of hitting him. She has never had the urge, not even after Crestwood. Not even after she returned and found him gone after Corypheus. Not when he walked away from her after she told him they could endure. Especially not when she begged and pleaded in the Fade for him to return home.  She had never wanted to reciprocate the hurt. The urge to hurt him again was uncharacteristically impulsive. And yet, the evidence lingers in the sting of her palm and the red welt spreading across his cheek.

She feels ashamed.  She had reacted in anger and had lost control when all she wanted to do was look at him. To touch and feel. To remember what it felt like to be loved. To believe that he had forsaken atonement to return to her. There will be no excuse for her behavior and no words of comfort. Remorse blurs her vision and a lone tear escapes, a quiet reminder of the many nights of resigning oneself. Angrily, she swipes it away. His absence leaves her empty and a painful ache begins to vibrate in her chest. She flickers her gaze to the man who stood silently, his penetrating eyes searching for an undisclosed truth. Her tears are flowing freely and she stands proudly as if to challenge him to say something.

In truth, she wants to throw herself into his arms and beg him to stay. He was her anchor, her protector, and her guardian. He made her feel safe and loved. He saw her for who she is - not some legend of mythical proportions found only in ancient tomes. She loves him and the admission makes her want to shrink and hide from the shame. She wants to run but she is trapped - trapped by the paralyzing fear of uncertainty.

 _Weak. Pathetic._ _Fool._ She tells herself.

She doesn’t know how long they stay like that - her stewing in pain and misery and he withdrawn and aloof. She expects him to retaliate as a God would; she expects him to be angry; to chide her for being a petulant child. She feels his gaze devouring all of her secrets but he remains quiet and unmoving. The silence drag and becomes unbearable as she waits for his retribution.

But it doesn’t come.

As emotions shift between blame, anger, guilt, and shame, it slowly transitioned into apprehension, anticipation, excitement, and hope. Unexpectedly, faith, joy, and love soon followed. He reacts to the change by gently pulling her towards him and delicately brushing his lips against hers. Slowly at first, as if asking for permission to continue. When she leans in, his kiss becomes persistent and soon she is kissing him back. His lips are warm, soft, and hungry, and she feels the rush of helplessness before her body yields into submission. This was no ordinary kiss between old lovers. It was a claiming - an acknowledgment that they belong to one another and will endure together. 

After years of sorrow and sadness, she finds it ironic that freedom should come from the hand that denied her.  Her shoulders shake with uncontrollable grief and he pulls her back in. He says nothing as she screams into his chest; releasing two years of pent up anger, frustration, and hurt. He holds her tighter as she cries for lost dreams and broken promises. She cries for the man who taught her to paint; the man who taught Cole about human connection; the man who bantered with Dorian; the man who stood by her side and believed in her. At the heart of it all, she cries for Solas - the man she understood and would have supported if he had trusted her.

And all through his own torment and grief, he continues to hold and doesn't let go.

Somewhere between acceptance and forgiveness, she becomes aware of soft whispers and gentle caresses against her face, urging her to hear him. He apologizes for abandoning her and leaving when she needed him most. He holds himself responsible for her pain and knows she may never forgive him. He tells her he doesn’t know where to start but he wants to try because he believes they can endure. Soft kisses on her face hesitantly follow and he tells her that being here with him is enough. He promises to be patient and will ask no more for what she is ready to give. He understands it will take time because they are both hurting, yet he believes they can heal together. Finally, depleted of pride and integrity, he sinks to his knees and begs forgiveness from the woman he loves.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing. Any constructive feedback is greatly appreciated :)


End file.
